she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
