I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
