i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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