You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
