Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
