Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wear drunk well.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
