my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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