if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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