If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
