So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish my penis had a tongue
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
