That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Randomize
