she woke up with a sticky ear
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
