I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
