Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
