im so drunk with asians
where?
always
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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