Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
