The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
