Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
