You just made me feel so damn special
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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