I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
