the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to have your abortion
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
