I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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