i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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