I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
