Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
