My hand turned me down
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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