I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
50% drunk capacity currently
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
