ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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