So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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