dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
