I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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