Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
