I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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