Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
