All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
