I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
