need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
