So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
