just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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