So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
