Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
