These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you would pick up someone in the library
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
