Can i not drive my cunt home
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
