dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You work out of a Hotel?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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