1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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