It's Friday. Sex?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
