Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
