Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
