No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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