lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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