the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
should my penis look like a turkey
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
