Sponge bath it is.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
