I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
