yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
