I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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