I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
