hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
