yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
