He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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