i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
