I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
