I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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